Mid life crisis

After a second disaster which masqueraded as a holiday, this time with my olds. I was pretty disappointed in the behaviour of TPBW. Happy enough to join in at dinner time and off shopping or spending time texting or on the phone during the day. Once again a short few days after a jolly to South Africa. The kids were ok, as they had their Grandparents with them so they weren't just with boring old Mum. Both of my parents were shocked by the lack of interest of TPBW in spending time with his children.
Since the previous holiday he's dropped about 20lb in weight ,no mean feat when he was slim to start with. Purchased a whole new wardrobe (to accommodate the new figure) of expensive youthful clothing and shoes. Taken up a manic obsession with cycling to get fit. Become almost obsessed with food ie how much he is eating and drinking, and spent many nights away 'on business'. At home he has been sullen and moody, clearly unhappy with being around us or doing anything with us. Then he got his eyes lasered so he no longer has to wear glasses.. Something he has done since his teens.
He actually started to let down our friends for parties and dinners or the Friday night pub, preferring to spend time with his workmates, under the guise of business.
Comments to me or about me and my appearance were mostly negative. He told me I had let myself go and clothes looked dowdy on me.. So why put up with it?
All this I put down to the mid life crisis. I kept hoping that he would come round out of it and find joy in his family and family life. But I suppose that was false hope on my part. Also sometimes it is better the devil you know.
Well.. Eventually after a particularly bad morning where he had been away overnight (again) I challenged him as he started shouting at our youngest daughter (now 14) who was making him some lunch. All she had asked him was if he wanted some tomato sauce with his pasta.
I cornered him.. It had been like walking on eggshells..

"What the hell is going on? We are supposed to be a team. What is wrong with you? If you won't talk to me about it then how can we work through this! "

" It's nothing I am just tired."

"come on it is more than that, Maybe I can help you somehow"

"No I have to work this through on my own. It's nothing bad.. I just can't talk about it"

"oh for goodness sake I can't live like this talk to me PLEASE"

So the story unravelled for me. Things I needed to know but didn't want to know. Things I had guessed but had maybe denied.
He had become obsessed with someone that he met through work. Fallen in love with her and told me that she had rejected him. She was in his words "out of his league" Whatever that means. If she had wanted him then he would have left me and the kids without a second thought, in a heartbeat in his words. He was upset and unhappy because he didn't love me any more apart from as the mother of his children (Gee Thanks! ) He felt he isn't a natural Father and maybe shouldn't have had kids. (hmm bit late to send them back now ! ) Finally he said that he felt he should never have got married and he felt he hadn't achieved anything with his life.
Bit of a blow...
I actually hugged him ! He was upset at his rejection I felt sorry for him. Was a angry? Yes. Did I shout and rant? No.
I thought about it over the next 24 hours. It was his birthday the next day. 49 a dangerous age apparently. We had friends for supper on the day and after they had gone I suggested that perhaps he needed to move out and think about things.