I simply don't believe it! Just as I thought it was safe to relax slightly from the stress of house sale and purchase..
I got a letter with the postal delivery this morning, it was handed to me by the postlady, but was marked "by hand" "Private and confidential" somewhat ominous.
The first line made me freeze and the world stopped for a second or two I swear.
Dear *********
With regret we are writing to inform you that we are no longer in a position to proceed with the purchase of your property... Then a lengthy tome about how they now need to sell their own property, because the people who were lending them the money to proceed were now no longer in a position to do so. Family apparently.. and then a lot of slating the estate agents attitude regards their own sale and how they really still wanted to buy the house but.........
I am totally gutted and can barely think or speak at the moment ..
If we find another buyer now with the winter drawing in and the market slower and everything looking much less attractive than in June.. Frankly we shall be lucky to achieve the asking price. This means that I will not be able to afford the house I have been working towards buying, so I will be out of pocket regards that.. The knock on effect is that I will lose the considerable amount of money I have invested in solicitors searches land searches surveys etc.
AND the TPBW is likely to stay put and not rent anywhere for the foreseeable future.
Wednesday 3 October 2007
Tuesday 2 October 2007
Freedom ..for a day or two
Freedom for two whole days. The TPBW has gone away on business! Hurrah. I am feeling much more relaxed than I have for a while. I have to chase the whole house sale stuff today at some point .. Just keep on top of everyone in the hope that it all goes through this month. But I kind of see a bigger chink of light at the end of the tunnel... fingers crossed
He's been looking at rental properties over the last few days.. Nothing has met his high standards so far.. But at least he is making the effort to move. I have had a skip delivered here today to fill with some of the accumulated trash from 11 years of living here.. It is still tempting to put his stuff in there first to underline how unwelcome his being here again has become!
He's been looking at rental properties over the last few days.. Nothing has met his high standards so far.. But at least he is making the effort to move. I have had a skip delivered here today to fill with some of the accumulated trash from 11 years of living here.. It is still tempting to put his stuff in there first to underline how unwelcome his being here again has become!
Thursday 27 September 2007
Death by husband
The need to move house becomes more urgent by the day. I have been to see the Doctor this week to check out my blood pressure which has been somewhat high for a while... seems I am now going to have a barrage of tests bloods ECG etc.
I went to the appointment that had been made with the practice nurse this afternoon, only to be told that they weren't able to take my blood today as they don't have the facility to store the sample overnight and the blood samples are collected every lunch time. So.. I have to go back in again tomorrow morning. As the receptionist presumably knows the time of the vampire van and she was fully aware of the purpose of my visit to the nurse.. I feel somewhat pissed off that my time and the nurse's was wasted. Hardly good for the blood pressure which is still registering high on the scale .... *sigh*
Mind you I did have a little discussion about my domestic arrangements with her whilst I was there.. which she decided probably goes some way towards contributing to the raised BP.
She used the phrase " he is having his penny bun and keeping the money" Which made me smile.. How true!
I went to the appointment that had been made with the practice nurse this afternoon, only to be told that they weren't able to take my blood today as they don't have the facility to store the sample overnight and the blood samples are collected every lunch time. So.. I have to go back in again tomorrow morning. As the receptionist presumably knows the time of the vampire van and she was fully aware of the purpose of my visit to the nurse.. I feel somewhat pissed off that my time and the nurse's was wasted. Hardly good for the blood pressure which is still registering high on the scale .... *sigh*
Mind you I did have a little discussion about my domestic arrangements with her whilst I was there.. which she decided probably goes some way towards contributing to the raised BP.
She used the phrase " he is having his penny bun and keeping the money" Which made me smile.. How true!
Wednesday 26 September 2007
Moving House
I have decided to stop harking on about the TPBW.. It was boring me.. and I daresay boring anyone who strayed past this measly blog spot. As this is mostly for my own benefit by way of therapy I shall not apologise for my laxness in covering the traumatic events of the last few months. Save to say that an offer on the house was accepted at the end of June and there has been it seems very little progress with the whole process until the last week or so. The TPBW has moved back into the house (as a lodger) until the sale goes through. which in itself has been terribly stressful for the kids and me. Apparently it has also been stressful for him.. But frankly that is not my problem. He wanted out.. so if he can't stand the heat....... At least he can rent somewhere.. Just do long as he keeps out of my kitchen!
Moving house must be one of the most stressful things known to man (or woman) and this move has been made more so by the unwelcome return of the TPBW into the household. Coupled with the whole going through a divorce thing, daughter number 2 starting a new school and wonderful boyfriend's mother being diagnosed as terminally ill.. Is it any wonder that my blood pressure is high at the moment?
I have manage to wean myself off medication for the madness. This is thanks mainly to the wonderful boyfriend's help love and support. It is actually now quite nice to be able to feel things again, rather than have everything kind of lukewarm dull. I do still have moments of anxiety and feeling down, but they are becoming less and less and I have managed to find a sense of humour that I truly thought I had lost for a while.
Well progress is as progress does.. I am still waiting for an exchange of contracts on the sale and purchase. The buyers solicitors seem to want to know the inside leg of the hen's teeth that they have been extracting slowly for the last couple of months! Finally my solicitor tells me we are ready to talk about exchanging the wretched things. This for me is good news as it means we can work towards possibly completing and moving into the new house around about half term time from school. That would give me some extra hands on the day, namely the kids who I can work like Trojans and it means that there is not the confusion for them about which house to return to after school on the day. The other rather thrilling thing for me, is that I will finally (at least physically) be shot of the TPBW and can start to live again all be it on bread and cheese for the first few months!
I can't help but wonder how he will actually manage once he is cut free from my apron strings finally. He has never lived on his own for any length of time and he actually cannot bear his own company... he can't cook , doesn't shop for food, barely irons and cleaning up after himself is .. shall we say foreign to him? Living back in the marital home has not really helped him to learn. He has been eating with us when he is here and I have been doing his laundry (at a charge) If I go out for the day, for he is working from home and it is driving me barking mad!! Then he goes out to Starbucks or Pret so that he can be around people even ones he doesn't actually know. It is quite sad really. I just hope he doesn't get any ideas about regular meals in my new home, or a continuation of the laundry service. I am sure he will con some other mug to do it for him.. He always seems to fall on his feet damn him !
So.. I am keeping everything crossed .. fingers toes and everyone Else's, that this whole process is at an end... and the light at the end of the tunnel I think I see is not just an illusion!
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Mid life crisis
After a second disaster which masqueraded as a holiday, this time with my olds. I was pretty disappointed in the behaviour of TPBW. Happy enough to join in at dinner time and off shopping or spending time texting or on the phone during the day. Once again a short few days after a jolly to South Africa. The kids were ok, as they had their Grandparents with them so they weren't just with boring old Mum. Both of my parents were shocked by the lack of interest of TPBW in spending time with his children.
Since the previous holiday he's dropped about 20lb in weight ,no mean feat when he was slim to start with. Purchased a whole new wardrobe (to accommodate the new figure) of expensive youthful clothing and shoes. Taken up a manic obsession with cycling to get fit. Become almost obsessed with food ie how much he is eating and drinking, and spent many nights away 'on business'. At home he has been sullen and moody, clearly unhappy with being around us or doing anything with us. Then he got his eyes lasered so he no longer has to wear glasses.. Something he has done since his teens.
He actually started to let down our friends for parties and dinners or the Friday night pub, preferring to spend time with his workmates, under the guise of business.
Comments to me or about me and my appearance were mostly negative. He told me I had let myself go and clothes looked dowdy on me.. So why put up with it?
All this I put down to the mid life crisis. I kept hoping that he would come round out of it and find joy in his family and family life. But I suppose that was false hope on my part. Also sometimes it is better the devil you know.
Well.. Eventually after a particularly bad morning where he had been away overnight (again) I challenged him as he started shouting at our youngest daughter (now 14) who was making him some lunch. All she had asked him was if he wanted some tomato sauce with his pasta.
I cornered him.. It had been like walking on eggshells..
"What the hell is going on? We are supposed to be a team. What is wrong with you? If you won't talk to me about it then how can we work through this! "
" It's nothing I am just tired."
"come on it is more than that, Maybe I can help you somehow"
"No I have to work this through on my own. It's nothing bad.. I just can't talk about it"
"oh for goodness sake I can't live like this talk to me PLEASE"
So the story unravelled for me. Things I needed to know but didn't want to know. Things I had guessed but had maybe denied.
He had become obsessed with someone that he met through work. Fallen in love with her and told me that she had rejected him. She was in his words "out of his league" Whatever that means. If she had wanted him then he would have left me and the kids without a second thought, in a heartbeat in his words. He was upset and unhappy because he didn't love me any more apart from as the mother of his children (Gee Thanks! ) He felt he isn't a natural Father and maybe shouldn't have had kids. (hmm bit late to send them back now ! ) Finally he said that he felt he should never have got married and he felt he hadn't achieved anything with his life.
Bit of a blow...
I actually hugged him ! He was upset at his rejection I felt sorry for him. Was a angry? Yes. Did I shout and rant? No.
I thought about it over the next 24 hours. It was his birthday the next day. 49 a dangerous age apparently. We had friends for supper on the day and after they had gone I suggested that perhaps he needed to move out and think about things.
Since the previous holiday he's dropped about 20lb in weight ,no mean feat when he was slim to start with. Purchased a whole new wardrobe (to accommodate the new figure) of expensive youthful clothing and shoes. Taken up a manic obsession with cycling to get fit. Become almost obsessed with food ie how much he is eating and drinking, and spent many nights away 'on business'. At home he has been sullen and moody, clearly unhappy with being around us or doing anything with us. Then he got his eyes lasered so he no longer has to wear glasses.. Something he has done since his teens.
He actually started to let down our friends for parties and dinners or the Friday night pub, preferring to spend time with his workmates, under the guise of business.
Comments to me or about me and my appearance were mostly negative. He told me I had let myself go and clothes looked dowdy on me.. So why put up with it?
All this I put down to the mid life crisis. I kept hoping that he would come round out of it and find joy in his family and family life. But I suppose that was false hope on my part. Also sometimes it is better the devil you know.
Well.. Eventually after a particularly bad morning where he had been away overnight (again) I challenged him as he started shouting at our youngest daughter (now 14) who was making him some lunch. All she had asked him was if he wanted some tomato sauce with his pasta.
I cornered him.. It had been like walking on eggshells..
"What the hell is going on? We are supposed to be a team. What is wrong with you? If you won't talk to me about it then how can we work through this! "
" It's nothing I am just tired."
"come on it is more than that, Maybe I can help you somehow"
"No I have to work this through on my own. It's nothing bad.. I just can't talk about it"
"oh for goodness sake I can't live like this talk to me PLEASE"
So the story unravelled for me. Things I needed to know but didn't want to know. Things I had guessed but had maybe denied.
He had become obsessed with someone that he met through work. Fallen in love with her and told me that she had rejected him. She was in his words "out of his league" Whatever that means. If she had wanted him then he would have left me and the kids without a second thought, in a heartbeat in his words. He was upset and unhappy because he didn't love me any more apart from as the mother of his children (Gee Thanks! ) He felt he isn't a natural Father and maybe shouldn't have had kids. (hmm bit late to send them back now ! ) Finally he said that he felt he should never have got married and he felt he hadn't achieved anything with his life.
Bit of a blow...
I actually hugged him ! He was upset at his rejection I felt sorry for him. Was a angry? Yes. Did I shout and rant? No.
I thought about it over the next 24 hours. It was his birthday the next day. 49 a dangerous age apparently. We had friends for supper on the day and after they had gone I suggested that perhaps he needed to move out and think about things.
Tuesday 12 June 2007
How it all began
After nearly 16 years of marriage not all of them bad and 19 years together as a couple, the mid-life crisis hit hard. Things had been somewhat ropey for a couple of years I suppose, but one kind of tries and explain away stuff and close one's eyes to what is happening because the alternative is not pleasant for anyone.
TPBW had been behaving more and more like a singleton over the years. His work had meant that he was often away on business all over the world and I held the fort in the meanwhile. On occasion, he would take me on some of the more local events so I got to mingle with the 'beautiful people' that inhabited his world. Pop stars, footballers, actors and other such people. Often partners were not invited. I have to say that I never really minded that. Smart charity dinners are fun occasionally, but polite conversation with people who really are sometimes shallow and often uninteresting because of their lack of interest in what you have to say can be tiresome.
I can manage however... I can talk Bull with the best of them when required and to be fair some people were surprisingly down to earth despite their fame and fortune.
I suppose that when you travel first class for business that a family holiday economy class is a bit of a come down... and here is where I suppose I was first fully aware of the problem.
Two summers ago I spent 3 weeks in the south of Spain with my kids with my parents there for a week and one of my daughters friend for another week. We had a few days of pure chilling and then the TPBW joined us for the last 4 days of the holiday. He had been touring China and the Far East with a premier Football team, one of the perks of his job and a great opportunity which I agreed he should take.
We collected him from the airport and you would think that having had a couple of weeks away on what was basically a jolly he would have been looking forward to spending time with the kids. The first night was ok, we all went out for dinner Thai I remember and had a relatively early night. He spent most of the next day glued to his mobile phone (business calls) or reading on the terrace in the sun whilst I went swimming etc with the kids.
That second evening the kids 13 and 14 at the time, were bickering as only teenage sisters can do whilst I showered before dinner. TPBW totally lost the plot at this and STORMED out of the apartment throwing a handful of change at the wall. I got out of the shower and from the balcony I could see him pacing off into the distance through the gardens of the villa complex. We were due out for dinner with some friends. He did return shortly afterwards and announced that he couldn't deal with being part of such a dysfunctional family, didn't want to be married, didn't want to be there and was packing to leave on the next flight to the UK. Some more and rather hurtful things were said at the time which left me reeling as if cut by a knife. Some of these things were directed at our youngest daughter. I persuaded him to stay.
We did end up going out for dinner with our friends where he was playing hail fellow well met all jolly and chatty, but My youngest and I were somewhat weepy and the eldest daughter was very quiet.
Without going into further detail this little outburst and the following rather icy behaviour was the start of the serious problems to follow. Holiday was pretty much ruined as the hurt anger and disappointment ruled out the good time we had had before his arrival. I was devastated truly by what happened.
TPBW had been behaving more and more like a singleton over the years. His work had meant that he was often away on business all over the world and I held the fort in the meanwhile. On occasion, he would take me on some of the more local events so I got to mingle with the 'beautiful people' that inhabited his world. Pop stars, footballers, actors and other such people. Often partners were not invited. I have to say that I never really minded that. Smart charity dinners are fun occasionally, but polite conversation with people who really are sometimes shallow and often uninteresting because of their lack of interest in what you have to say can be tiresome.
I can manage however... I can talk Bull with the best of them when required and to be fair some people were surprisingly down to earth despite their fame and fortune.
I suppose that when you travel first class for business that a family holiday economy class is a bit of a come down... and here is where I suppose I was first fully aware of the problem.
Two summers ago I spent 3 weeks in the south of Spain with my kids with my parents there for a week and one of my daughters friend for another week. We had a few days of pure chilling and then the TPBW joined us for the last 4 days of the holiday. He had been touring China and the Far East with a premier Football team, one of the perks of his job and a great opportunity which I agreed he should take.
We collected him from the airport and you would think that having had a couple of weeks away on what was basically a jolly he would have been looking forward to spending time with the kids. The first night was ok, we all went out for dinner Thai I remember and had a relatively early night. He spent most of the next day glued to his mobile phone (business calls) or reading on the terrace in the sun whilst I went swimming etc with the kids.
That second evening the kids 13 and 14 at the time, were bickering as only teenage sisters can do whilst I showered before dinner. TPBW totally lost the plot at this and STORMED out of the apartment throwing a handful of change at the wall. I got out of the shower and from the balcony I could see him pacing off into the distance through the gardens of the villa complex. We were due out for dinner with some friends. He did return shortly afterwards and announced that he couldn't deal with being part of such a dysfunctional family, didn't want to be married, didn't want to be there and was packing to leave on the next flight to the UK. Some more and rather hurtful things were said at the time which left me reeling as if cut by a knife. Some of these things were directed at our youngest daughter. I persuaded him to stay.
We did end up going out for dinner with our friends where he was playing hail fellow well met all jolly and chatty, but My youngest and I were somewhat weepy and the eldest daughter was very quiet.
Without going into further detail this little outburst and the following rather icy behaviour was the start of the serious problems to follow. Holiday was pretty much ruined as the hurt anger and disappointment ruled out the good time we had had before his arrival. I was devastated truly by what happened.
Sunday 10 June 2007
Welcome to my world
Having followed my good friend and soul mate on her journey to a new life in the big apple.. I thought I would log my ramblings online to maybe peruse at a later date when the dust has settled.. To remind myself of the anguish pain and heartache that the TPBW has been putting me through these last 6 months and will continue to do I am sure for several more to come.
Sometimes reviewing one's rants can help clarify things in one's mind... (or minds which seems to be the case for me at the moment! )My most precious possession in the world are my marbles... and I seem to have temporarily mislaid them along with self esteem and self belief at times.
I have yet to set up a profile, so I shall indulge myself in believing that someone might be interested in who I am and what I am all about.
I am nearly 45, I am woman, I am blond.
I have two beautiful and much loved teenage children who drive me crazy and bring me great joy in turn.
I live with two large hairy dogs (Mr and Mrs Barker) and a very large apricot Maine coon cat(BFC).
I am lucky enough to have a wonderful supportive and loving boyfriend of a few months.
I am currently still tied in wedlock ( now I know why it is termed wedlock) to the estranged spouse(TPBW) and am just starting divorce proceedings against same.
I presently live in a beautiful house in the middle of England, in a village in the countryside. This house is on the market at the moment and because of the situation with the estranged, said house is being sold to allow me the luxury of my own home with my own front door.
Sometimes reviewing one's rants can help clarify things in one's mind... (or minds which seems to be the case for me at the moment! )My most precious possession in the world are my marbles... and I seem to have temporarily mislaid them along with self esteem and self belief at times.
I have yet to set up a profile, so I shall indulge myself in believing that someone might be interested in who I am and what I am all about.
I am nearly 45, I am woman, I am blond.
I have two beautiful and much loved teenage children who drive me crazy and bring me great joy in turn.
I live with two large hairy dogs (Mr and Mrs Barker) and a very large apricot Maine coon cat(BFC).
I am lucky enough to have a wonderful supportive and loving boyfriend of a few months.
I am currently still tied in wedlock ( now I know why it is termed wedlock) to the estranged spouse(TPBW) and am just starting divorce proceedings against same.
I presently live in a beautiful house in the middle of England, in a village in the countryside. This house is on the market at the moment and because of the situation with the estranged, said house is being sold to allow me the luxury of my own home with my own front door.
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